Published on : 2017-05-25 21:15:25

A prominent rabbi argued to me that too few students were getting married in college. The article detailed a young woman s experience dating in the modern orthodox world and her struggle juggling both the pressure to get married and her desire to succeed in school. The system to which this woman referred is the orthodox jewish world of dating and all of the pressure it exerts on those attempting to navigate through it. As repeatedly shown in the media, orthodox judaism is notorious for its emphasis on marriage, and true to this reputation, our leaders tend to advocate marriage at a young age. I believe that the first step toward remedying the problem should be increasing the awareness of the issue through open dialogue. And while -- admittedly -- many of us can sing tzeitel s song for yente the matchmaker word for word, few of us can truly relate to the sentiment. It is time for the orthodox leadership to realize that. When i finished reading the young woman s article, i took a moment to reflect on the many stories that i had read with the same message. This encounter deepened my concern that there was a growing disconnect between our spiritual leaders and my reality as a young adult. At this point, many of our leaders are oblivious to the current social realities, and without the ability to hear (much less respond to) frustrations, the dating system will remain nearly impermeable to change.

The position the rabbi advocated was completely out of touch with my reality, and as far as i could see, he seemed unwilling to even consider the needs of a diverse and changing community. One of the major problems with my rabbi s brand of marriage promotion is that his advice is often impractical and can lead to serious feelings of guilt and social insecurity. Perhaps in the bygone world of the shtetl, it was considered common for men and woman to marry young, and perhaps the system served everyone fine. __count__/__total__ to continue with your youtube experience, please fill out the form below. When i explained that many of us believe in first completing school or starting a career before making the supreme commitment, his response was a cool, why. A moment later, i looked down at my screen and found a simple reply of thank you. The young woman who wrote the aforementioned e-mail explained how she has felt an unhealthy pressure to wed ever since her time at a religious seminary in jerusalem. I typed a short response telling the writer that she was among friends who sympathized with her. The words i am single and i need your help, bolded and italicized just so, jumped out at me from the bottom of the e-mail. More recently, within my own life, i watched a close friend s relationship disintegrate after his girlfriend s rabbi harassed them to marry, launching him into a lengthy period of depression and conflict.

But as i continued to read through the article, i saw that it actually discussed a very relevant issue that has confronted many in my community. As the editor of the beacon, an online newspaper for orthodox jewish college students, i had received several submissions like this before, and i braced myself for yet another lament on dating. For the well-being of all those suffering, i hope that in the future we can open better avenues of communication than anonymous e-mail submissions and finally shed some light on a situation that has remained unnoticed for zambian flirting and sex sites.
. Last summer, i experienced this pressure first-hand. I thought about the loneliness she described, and about her feelings of pressure and dissatisfaction. The writer of the dating-article helps highlight a significant problem within our community. Instead of encouraging healthy relationships, this pressure often proves more destructive than productive. She wrote, whether or not you agree with system, the system remains the same. From what i have seen, our spiritual leadership needs to acquaint themselves with the real effects of this pressure on my peers and me. .

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